


Forgetting

by Infini-tea (MHGeek)



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Deceit Was Wronged By The Other Sides, Everyone Is In The Wrong, Gen, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Near Death Experiences, One Shot, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-26
Updated: 2019-09-26
Packaged: 2020-10-28 15:07:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20780597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MHGeek/pseuds/Infini-tea
Summary: Deceit relives some memories during his darkest moment. They aren't happy ones.





	Forgetting

The Unconscious was freezing. How long had Deceit been here? How long had he been imprisoned, held captive, kept away from his purpose and from the others? Unlike the headspace, there was no way to keep track of time in the Unconscious, and so it could have been only an hour, or as long as several years.

He slowly (quickly? The Unconscious existed farther outside of time than the Preconscious Mind, so everything was relative) reached up and touched his face with a bloody, torn glove. He let out a hiss at the contact his claws made with the exposed skin from where a patch of his scales used to be. 

Deceit stood up, straightening out his torn cloak as much as he could and gazed around the brightened, twisting halls. This was… exactly what he had expected, if he was being entirely dishonest. The walls were off-white, but he couldn’t tell what color, and the floors were tiled in an institutional manner. Above, bright fluorescent lights shone, making the already stark colors seem even paler in comparison. He stuck out like a sore thumb, and if there were anyone around, there would be nowhere he could hide that he would not be found. 

Deceit stumbled forward a few steps, lethargic; his cape helped insulate him but the Unconscious was just too cold compared to the Preconscious mind, for which he had designed it, which was just slightly chilly. If he stayed still for too long, there was too great a chance he would fall into brumation until he was Forgotten, so there was nothing to do but walk until either he found something or the process of Forgetting began regardless. He noted, as he began walking, that his gloves were staining the walls with blood: this could tell him where he had gone, but also tell anything else that might be in the Unconscious where he had gone as well. He would deal with that if it came to it. 

As he walked, he thought - about many things, and about nothing. He thought about times long past, and more recent events. He thought back to when he first formed - how young Thomas had been, his very first lie, how innocent it was - young Thomas simply hadn’t wanted his parents to know that someone at school had told him Santa wasn’t real, and so had told his parents that he still believed. He thought about how Thomas had told little white lies - lies that hurt no one, truly, not even himself, in the end - all throughout his teenage and adult life. He thought about how Thomas lied to even himself, but how it brought about a time of peace and acceptance in a period of turmoil in his life when it had ended and he had come clean. 

It was then that Deceit came upon the first door.

He glanced backwards, the way he had come, but it seemed that the path he had traced along the wall stretched for both only yards but also miles. Distance, he supposed, had no meaning in a place where time nor speed also had no meaning. 

Turning back to the door, he examined it. At first glance, it appeared to be a white bedroom door, but as Deceit ran his hands over it, he realized he and the door shared a commonality in their purpose: to show a face not their own. The material was a cold metal, despite the appearance, and tracing his fingers up the top, he found a slat in the wood. He slid it across and peered into the dark room, a stark contrast to the brightness of the hallway. 

A memory played out in front of him; a memory from long ago.

_It was October 31st, 2002 - Halloween. The night of the split. Long before any of them had chosen names for each other. Before there were “Dark Sides” and “Light Sides”, there were just Sides, and they were a family - a dysfunctional one, but a family nonetheless. _

_They had gathered in the common area of the Preconscious, as they had an incredibly important decision to assist Thomas in - Thomas had received an invitation to a Halloween party that night, but his family wanted to go Trick or Treating with him. _

_“Family is important!” Morality chimed in, “We should be spending as much time with them as we possibly can, after all, they would do it for us!”_

_“But what if people see us out Trick or Treating? We’re thirteen now, we’re too old for that - we should be hanging out with people our own age, or they’re going to make fun of us behind our back.” Anxiety replied._

_“I don’t particularly care,” said Creativity, “I’ve done my part in making the costume, and it’ll be used regardless of which event we go to.”_

_“It would make the most sense to go to the party - after all, we will be spending the next four years socializing with these peers, and we will want to not be considered a social outcast. However, it’s important to consider that we may hurt our family by doing this, and that could have repercussions as well,” responded Logic._

_“Why don’t we just lie?” asked Deceit. The room quieted as the other sides turned to him in disbelief. “It’s not like it’s the simplest solution or anything. Tell the family we’re not feeling well, and they go Trick or Treating, feelings unhurt. We leave while they’re out for the next, oh, four or so hours and go to the party. We come back before they’re any the wiser. Nobody gets hurt.”_

_“But… Deceit… That’s _ ** _wrong_ ** _!” Morality objected, “Lying like that, to our family, and then… sneaking out? That’s not okay!”_

_“I… think I’m actually with Deceit on this one.” said Anxiety. “I don’t want to be an outcast when in comes to High School next year, it’s already going to be bad enough.”_

_Logic shook his head. “I don’t think we should go that far. Logically, if we get found out, we could get into quite a bit of trouble.”_

_“He’s right, Deceit!” Morality exclaimed. “We can’t lie, lying is bad!”_

_“Lying is who I am, Morality! It’s not like my name is literally Deceit or anything! You can’t just ask me to stop doing what I do!” Deceit yelled back, his human half turning a light red in anger._

_“Get out! If you’re just going to keep trying to get Thomas to do terrible things, just leave! We don’t need you!” Morality yelled._

_Deceit took a step back, holding a hand in front of himself as if it would deflect the harsh words aimed towards him. There was a moment where the room was silent, where nobody chanced to breathe. “That’s fine, then,” he said, “If that’s what you really want.”_

_He spun on the spot, his capelet flaring out behind him dramatically. There was silence behind him as he flung open the front door and stepped into the darkness of the unexplored hallway beyond. The door swung shut with a click and his shoulders dropped. He brought his bare hands up to cradle his face as he heaved a breath, but before he could cry the door opened again behind him._

_“Deceit!” Anxiety called. “I’m coming with you!”_

The slat shut in front of his eyes, cutting him out of the memory. He shook his head - he had almost forgotten where he was, that he hadn’t **been** there, that he wasn’t back in the living room, reliving the argument that split the Sides down the middle forever. It was such a silly little argument - they would have real arguments that would have lasting impacts later on, but back then, it seemed so important to the five of them. 

Deceit wondered, for a moment, if he **had** been in the memory, even just for a moment. His capelet was warmer, and so were his scales - what were left of them. Though they were rapidly cooling, and it seemed his only chance at staying warm was reliving his memories. He whipped his head to the right, spotting a door down the hallway, and limping towards it as fast as he could, keeping himself upright on the wall.

His chest heaved as his breath puffed out in visible clouds in front of him. As he crossed the hallway towards the next door he tripped, falling forward and catching the corner of his head on the doorknob. The door unlatched and Deceit fell through, straight into his next memory - one of his clearest.

_After they had left Morality, Logic and Creativity behind, Anxiety and Deceit had walked for what felt like ages until they had come across their own area of operation - it was the same as their original space, as Non-Euclidean as that might have been. The only differences were that the others’ rooms were gone - although it was more likely they had never been there to begin with. _

_This memory took place an early April morning about three years later - the sun (or what stood for it, in the Preconscious) was shining, and Deceit and Anxiety had their television tuned to the Consciousness - the constant stream of everything Thomas was experiencing. It was then that _ ** _he_ ** _ walked through the door: a new Side, one they had both met and yet one who was a complete stranger. He came in drinking from a water bottle, and as he removed it from his lips, the smell of vinegar permeated the room._

_“Hello! I’m Creativity!” The new (old/_ ** _new/old/_ ** ** _new/old_ ** _) Side said. _

_Anxiety and Deceit exchanged a look. They knew Creativity, and this wasn’t him, though his style of dress was similar. Deceit spoke first, sensing the apprehension in his companion. _

_“We knew Creativity, and I’m _ ** _so_ ** _ sure you’re the same person. Who are you really?” He asked._

_The _ _new old_ _ new Side just grinned and took another sip from his bottle before throwing it in the trash can. “I _ ** _am_ ** _ Creativity! Or, part of him, anyway! He split, now we’re twins! Like Cain and Abel, isn’t that neat? I want to be Cain! I’m Remus, by the way.”_

_“You’re… Remus? I thought you said you were Creativity? What kind of a trait is a Remus?” asked Anxiety._

_“No, silly, it’s my name! Now that there’s two Creativities, we have to have names to distinguish ourselves, so I’m the dashing Remus and he’s Roman,” answered Remus._

_“I totally realized we could give ourselves names,” replied Deceit, knowing full well it had never passed his mind. “Why did they kick you out?”_

_“I have no idea!” Remus said, “I only asked what they thought it would feel like if we tried to jump onto a moving train!”_

_“Well, that answers that question,” snorted Anxiety. _

_Deceit pushed himself off the couch, towards Remus. “I suppose you already know who we are, then?” At Remus nod, he grinned. “You certainly aren’t welcome here, then. Don’t make yourself at home.”_

_“Wonderful! Hey, have you ever thought about what a polar bear looks like from the inside?”_

_As Remus joined them, and the so called “Dark Sides” became a larger group, Deceit noticed that Thomas’ daily life was getting slightly more difficult. Horror creative writing assignments had no punch and received lower grades, telling the truth all the time put Thomas in some bad situations with his friends, and having no Anxiety led to doing things that put him into harm's way too often._

_Enough was enough._

Deceit closed the door behind him. Remus had come as a shock to them, and had taken quite some getting used to, but the three of them had been quite the trio in the earlier days. The days before… before Virgil had left.

He knew which memory would be next, and slowly trudged to the next door. Instead of opening it immediately though, he sat down next to it. The tiles below him were cold, and his thin pants didn’t do much to insulate his legs from the heat, but he didn’t want to see the memory just yet. 

Instead, he thought back to Remus - was he safe? Was he okay? That was really all that mattered at this point. Deceit himself didn’t matter - or if he still did, he wouldn’t for long before he was Forgotten. Last time he had seen Remus was just after he had come back from properly meeting Thomas for the first time - he was so excited to have finally met Thomas, to have been able to share his ideas as Creativity, even though they were ignored, at least they had been properly heard. 

His thoughts slipped to Virgil, and he took a deep breath. He wouldn’t think about Virgil right now. It wouldn’t help. It would only serve to hurt him further.

As he began shivering, Deceit pulled himself up with the doorknob and entered the next memory room. This one didn’t begin immediately, which confused him, until he remembered how the memory had begun - with him sleeping.

_“De… Deceit… Wake up, I need to talk with you…” Virgil spoke. He could feel something shaking him, and his eyes opened up._

_“Virgil? What - Did Remus light the trash on fire again to see if it would melt?” Deceit asked, bolting upwards. _

_“No, no. I wanted to… I needed to talk with you. It’s important.” Virgil sat down by Deceit’s feet, pulling his knees up by his chin and tucking his face against them._

_“It can’t be that important if you woke me up from a dead sleep to talk to me about it. What isn’t bothering you?” Deceit asked, making some room for Virgil on the couch and sharing part of the blanket with him, revealing some of the scales on his shoulders. It was chilly without the blanket, but blankets helped Virgil calm down, and if he was this bothered by something, he would need it more than Deceit._

_Virgil took a deep breath, laying his cheek on his knees, facing Deceit. “I don’t know how to start this.”_

_“I find the end is usually a good place.” _

_“That… might actually work,” replied Virgil, to Deceit’s surprise, “I want to go back and join the Light Sides.”_

_There was a long pause, before Deceit let out a series of hissing laughs. “You cannot be sssshitting me.”_

_“We never get to _ ** _do_ ** _ anything, Deceit! We live alone, cut off from everyone else, just you and me and Remus living every day, the same day, over and over again! I want to be free to actually have an impact on Thomas’ life!” Virgil ranted._

_“We were exiled, Virgil! They threw us out! They didn’t want us, they thought we were bad, we were evil, we were morally wrong! Why would they _ ** _ever_ ** _ take us back?” Deceit curled his hands into fists, his claws pressing into his palms. He took a deep breath. Even after nearly fifteen years, the pain of the exile had still not faded._

_“No, Deceit - you were exiled. Just you. I came with you because I didn’t think it was fair, but they didn’t kick me out. _ ** _You’re the only one they didn’t want!_ ** _” Virgil yelled. His words were sharper than even Deceit’s own claws, striking Deceit where it hurt - he never would be accepted anywhere, would he? He was just a lying snake, after all._

_“Fine! You want to go back? That’s fine by me! I don’t want you here! I never did! Go back to them, they’re _ ** _clearly_ ** _ who you belong with, and don’t ever step foot around Remus or I again!” Deceit yelled, surging to his feet and grabbing Virgil by the sweatshirt. He pushed Virgil towards the door, letting him fall against it. “Just make sure, if you leave, you _ ** _never_ ** _ come back.”_

_“I won’t.” Virgil threw open the door and let it close behind him on the way out. Deceit remained frozen for all of four seconds before he threw himself against the door, opening it up - but Virgil was long gone. He closed it, sliding down the back of it, and buried his face in his hands._

_“De?” Remus called from the stairs, “Are you okay?”_

_Deceit’s breath stuttered. “Yeah, I’m f-fine.” _

_“Virgil finally talked to you? Need me to behead him?” Remus threatened. _

_“Yes, thank you.” Deceit shook his head. He stood from his spot and walked over to the couch, picking up the blanket he had been lying under, which had previously been Virgil’s._

_“He’ll be back eventually. He always is! We can mess with him then, like when Virgil and I messed with you last week!” offered Remus._

_Deceit bundled the blanket up in his arms, bringing it over to the garbage bin. He turned to look at Remus and sighed, dropping it in. “Not this time, Remus. Not this time.”_

Just like in the memory, Deceit stumbled out and slid down the door, pushing his face into his shirt. He had never meant to hurt Virgil like that, he had just felt so betrayed and abandoned - of course he would never want to tell Virgil who he could or couldn’t be friends with, but Patton, Logan and Roman were the ones who had kicked him out, who had sent him away. How could he not be hurt that one of his only friends would want to leave him for those three?

Afterwards, he had been left with only Remus - not that there was anything wrong with Remus, it was just lonely and destructive. Whereas previously Virgil, Remus and himself would take part in fun and not-entirely-destructive shenanigans, without Virgil, Remus had become harder to control and more impulsive. Too often did he go to get a glass of water and burn himself when fire came out of the faucet or something similarly destructive. 

If he turned his head, he could see the end of the hallway now - there was one door left. One memory left to view. What would happen to Deceit afterwards? A primal fear gripped him. Would the Forgetting begin? What would that be like? Would he die? **Could** he die? He was so tempted to just stay where he was and not move, to just fall asleep and never wake up.

Instead, as if the hallway knew what he was thinking, the door creaked open on it’s own. Deceit crawled towards the door at the end of the hallway on his hands and knees, unable to surmise the energy to bring himself to his knees. He reached the inside of the memory room and kicked the door shut behind him, jumpstarting the final memory.

_He tiptoed towards the door at the end of the hallway connecting the Dark Sides and Light Sides homes, pressing his ear up against their door to listen for any presences. It was the middle of the night, and so he was not surprised when nobody was up. He eased open the door, closing it quietly behind him. _

_He traced his fingers along the wall to Roman’s room where he stuck his claw into the doorknob and locked it from the outside. Taking a deep breath, he performed the Creative side’s trademark fanciful gesture and took upon his appearance. He turned down the hallway and settled down in the common room, putting on a Disney movie to convince the others that he truly was Roman._

_The tired Side yawned, pressing his fists against his eyes. It was then that he heard a creak behind him - he turned his head to see Roman, the real Roman, along with Patton and Virgil. _

_“Deceit,” spat Patton, “You’ve hurt Thomas for the last time.”_

_“Hurt Thomas?” Deceit said, shedding his disguise of Roman and holding his hands to his chest, “Why would I _ ** _ever_ ** _ want to hurt Thomas?” _

_“Because you’re evil, Deceit! You’re the embodiment of lies! You set Remus on us during the last video, and that caused Thomas so much distress he could barely sleep!” accused Virgil. _

_“As I’ve said: Glass houses, Virgil. Don’t go throwing stones. It was totally Remus and not at all you and Patton here.” Deceit said, gesturing to the two of them. _

_“We’ve talked about it, Deceit, and we’ve decided we can’t let you keep hurting Thomas.” Patton explained._

_“Oh?” Deceit said, “And what are you planning on doing?”_

_“We’re going to send you to the Unconscious,” said Roman._

_Deceit stumbled backward. “No - you can’t do that!” He exclaimed. “You wouldn’t be ruining Thomas’ entire ability to lie, he’d never be able to tell another lie again!”_

_“He would when I deemed it moral! We don’t need you!” Patton exclaimed._

_We don’t need you… We don’t need you… We don’t need you… Why was that always the one thing that Patton could say to _ ** _hurt_ ** _ Deceit?_

_He didn’t notice they had moved until Roman had tackled him. The two of them fell into the television, shattering the screen and slicing off some of the scales on his face. He skittered backwards over the glass, shredding his gloves and pressing up against the wall._

_“You don’t want to do this! It’ll hurt Thomas more than you know!” Deceit pleaded._

_“That’s a lie if I’ve ever heard one,” laughed Roman, grabbing Deceit by the shoulders and holding him so he couldn’t break free. Virgil stepped forward to tie up his hands, allowing Roman an easier time handling Deceit. _

_Deceit breathed in shakily, refusing to allow himself to cry as it would only hurt the situation more. He steadied himself, trying to conserve his energy to sink out so that he could escape back to the Dark Sides’ area. _

_It was then that Logan walked downstairs. He glanced at the mess that was the living room and at the participants of the scuffle. “What is going on here?”_

_“We’re getting rid of Deceit for once and for all!” announced Roman._

_“Well, I won’t be helping you - that won’t help Thomas in any way,” replied Logan, ducking into the kitchen to make some coffee._

_“Sure, poindexter, whatever you say.” said Roman, hefting up Deceit and frogmarching him out the front door, Virgil and Patton tagging alongside behind him. He flung open the door, and Deceit took that moment to attempt to sink out, but Patton caught him easily. _

_“Not so fast, kiddo! You’re not going anywhere!” Patton grabbed on arm while Virgil grabbed the other, and Roman opened a hidden panel on the wall of the linking hallway. _

_“Virgil - please, you can’t do this! You know how bad it would be for Thomas, you can’t do this - Virgil, we weren’t friends, once!” _

_“You’re right on that one, Deceit - we weren’t friends.” Virgil bared his teeth at Deceit as the hallway brightened significantly._

_“Goodbye, Deceit. Thomas _ ** _will_ ** _ be better off without you.” Patton said, pushing him into the adjacent hallway. _

_Deceit stumbled but caught himself on the other wall. As he turned, launching himself at the wall he came in from, the wall slid shut, locking him in the Unconscious._

The door from the memory opened. He… had thought it would, absolutely and totally. 

He was lying to himself. He thought that when the memory had ended, so would he, fading into the background of the Unconscious until one day, Thomas died. 

The Unconscious was still freezing. Deceit didn’t have the energy to stand up, so he crawled into the hallway and collapsed at the foot of the doorframe. He had no idea how long he was left there, fading in and out of consciousness, bleeding and tired.

It was a surprise to him, then, when he faded into consciousness to a pair of hands touching his face.

“Deceit! Wake up, please - please wake up. Deceit - that’s it, open your eyes, look at me - can you see me?” The figure said, pulling Deceit’s face-up onto his lap. “I’m going to get you out of here - I swear I had no idea they were going to bring you here, I never would have - I’m so sorry.” 

Deceit pressed his face into the figure’s lap - so warm compared to the cold tiles. The figure slid it’s arms under his body and heaved - unsteadily, one might add - slowly but surely picking Deceit up and making their way back to the exit. Once they made it out, they turned towards the Dark Sides area, where Logan laid Deceit on the couch. He grabbed the nearest blanket and laid it over Deceit.

“I’m so sorry, Deceit - I had no idea they were going to take you to the Unconscious. If I had known, I never would have let them take you - nobody, not one of us deserves it. I’m so sorry I didn’t get to you sooner.”

Logan’s hand lingered on Deceit’s jaw, but soon he stood and left, back to his own area - it wouldn’t do to be caught in the Dark Sides area by those who just tried to kill one. Deceit curled up into a ball under the blanket and shivered. He didn’t know what would come next, but he doubted he’d be leaving the couch any time soon.

**Author's Note:**

> This hurt to write. It's 5 AM. I have to be up at 7AM. 
> 
> I might update w/ my Paypal later if this gets traction because I can't afford groceries so if you really dig this check back in a bit mmmmkay thanks <3
> 
> Deceit gets too much shit & is way too vilified in my opinion.
> 
> Thanks, guys, gals & nonbinary pals, I hope you get the sleep that I did not.


End file.
